My Little Happy Place

Party was decent. Seven people crammed into a section of a garage, not enough chairs, quiet music and a few sandwhiches and crisps.

Hoping tomorrow’s will be a better one (I decided at last to just go to Katies and see her off).

Anyhoooos, heres the costume while it’s on (ones taken at the party will probably appear later on this week, on Facebook, at some point).

The first two were taken earlier on during the week and the last one was the final product on the waistcoat before I headed out.

Ok, I’ve got a party tonight which I’m going to, but the problem lies with Saturday night.

Now, Mel is holding a halloween party like she did last year. It’s going to be with the same group of people I’m with tonight, minus a few.

But, today, one of the girl’s I’ve know since we were 5 is leaving for France (she’s got a job as a nanny XD ) and is having a leaving party at hers.

Both parties are on the same night.

Soooo, what should I do? Pros and Cons:

First Party:

-With the people I’ve just had a party with the night before (roughtly 6 people)

-Watch a movie and eat pizza in costumes

- I said a while back I’d go to hers.

-I’ve only known her for a few years.

-Mel’s party is kind of an annual thing. There’s always a halloween party.

Second Party:

- All the kids in my year (most of them we’ve grown up with) and then some.

-Booze, music, banter.

- She’s leaving for France, I might not see her again. Mel can have a party next year.

-I’ve known her since we were 5!!!

- I’ve never been to one of her parties before.

I can’t think. Urgh!

The magnifying glass was among the post when I got back from school. My day just got incredibly better. It’s actually a really good piece of equipment; it’s heavy, clear, sturdy, and only for £2 on Amazon.co.uk

I’m rushing about like a 5 year old kiddy, looking at everything. Clothes, the carpet, the dog. I’ve even been trying focusing the sun to see if it burns my hand.

I’ll use it again when I start doing my photo prints, to check the focus.

Now I just need to wait for the pipe to come, and my halloween suit is done.

I’ve fucked up my hip. Can’t recall how I managed this. I could barely walk up the hill this morning, good times.

Dear Friend,

Yes, I like guys and girls- I told you that a while ago when I started coming out to my friends. Only a few close ones, no one who I thought would take it bad straight away and such, or I didn’t like. You said my sexuality preferance didn’t bother you … but seriously, as my friend; didn’t you think that maybe I wanted you to keep it to yourself? I mean, we live in a small town, words gets about. I’d rather not come home to my folks and have to explain why they know I’m gay and what not.

The first time: At the park with the rest of the girls. You knew, H. knew- I hadn’t told M. and Han. because I thought they would be weirded out and be judgemental. When the whole ‘gay best friend’ joke cropped up (you say ‘I want a gay best friend’, and I look at you sideways and jokingly look offended when no one is watching) I didn’t really appreciate you pretty much yelling to the whole park ”But your Bi so it doesn’t count.” The akward silence from the other two should have given you a hint as to how much they really knew. I had only just started to come out, and I wanted to do so at my pace. Not at the pace your mouth runs.

Second time: In the common room with our year group. Another discussion about gays, lesbians etc. I start sticking up for them, giving my views. I was perfectly capable when they asked me ‘why I thought that’ or answering the ’are you gay?’ question. Maybe I would have told them, yes I am bi. Or maybe not, because I can’t stand some of them, and again, word gets about. I didn’t need you answering for me with ‘Yeah, Jay’s bi.” “She’s gay.” How could I pull myself out of that, and how do you think I felt when they all stared at me with big eyes, bombarding me with questions? 24 people were there; and only 5 that I wanted to tell and have alread told.

Today: We’re in art, with one of our long time friends. I thought he might have known about my sexuality, or he hadn’t heard. I don’t really go about yelling it from the rooftops so I just left it. If he knows, he knows; if he doesn’t, he can ask. When we start discussing about an ex pupil that has come out as being bisexual, and another who’s admitted to being gay, all was dandy. But then you had to say, “Jay’s gay.” and then add when he does a double take, “didn’t you know? So and so (from the second time) know already.” I am right beside you as you say this.

I’m not mad. I am fucking pissed, if I am honest. For you to go about, telling people about my sexuality, with me right next to you? How do you think I feel, knowing that all these people, some who I hate, know something I keep very personal about me. Imagine if I was being bullied, what they would do if they knew this? How do you think I’ll feel if I had to face my family because this has been going about? How do I know you haven’t been saying this behind my back? You had told me that M. and Han. knew already, how? Did they guess, or have you been going about my back? My game plan was; tell my closest friends now, maybe my folks later, and when I’m at Univeristy next year I’ll be honest with everyone I meet. How can I trust you when I can barely trust you to keep your mouth shut? Is it necessary to mention it everytime an opertunity pops up? What the fuck…?

Bow tie - check

Brett/Holmes costume now complete! Woo hoo!

Just finishing up my Jeremy Brett Holmes costume for this weekend.

Got my little ‘pocket watch chain’ cheat sorted, found a nice umberella to replace the missing cane, got a magnifying glass and pipe (at last). Top hat should cover up my hair, if I pin it up. Hmmmm

Only thing left is to try and copy that damn bow tie thing with what I’ve got lying about.

I doubt dad has any bow ties, I’ll have to check.

On another costume note, Connor bought the ‘Kick Ass’ wetsuit and mask, and Daniel’s finished his Heath Ledger Joker outfit. We’re really going all out this year.

It’s gonna be sweeeeeet!

Last night, I had 9 followers…

Now I have 21! What happened? What did I do?

Thank you all for following anyways!!

I hate it when Mum’s finished telling me a totally pointless story and I reply with ‘fine’ or ‘ok’, she immeadiatly thinks something is wrong.

Mum: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Mum: “Well, something must be wrong.”

Me: “Nothing’s wrong.”

Mum: “Well I was just asking.”

Me: “Ok then.”

Mum: “Jeez, something must be the matter.”

Nothing’s the matter, ok? I am perfectly fine! No…actually, scrap that. I am not fine, because now I’m in a grumpy mood. Thanks for that.

Got sent this in my email box today by my old psychology teacher.

http://kspot.org/holmes/autism.htm

I’m feeling rather bad-ass about myself now. I love my autism sometimes, I really do.